‘Pink tote mom’ TikTok trend strikes a serious tone: What is it?

“If anything, the videos I’ve seen lately are people sharing some very traumatic situations, very violent situations,” said Dr. Willough Jenkins.

The “pink tote bag lid moment” trend gained traction this week after a teenage girl posted a video to TikTok, detailing how her mother yelled at her to help her move “pink tote bag lids” into her bedroom.
After the first video, which has now been deleted, hundreds followed, citing traumatic childhood experiences.
Mental health professionals are concerned that the trend could cause secondary trauma or revictimization among teens and young adults.

A new TikTok trend called “pink tote bag moments” is opening up a more serious side of social media, as users open up about traumatic experiences from their childhood.

Videos included in the trend show users sharing traumatic experiences ranging from the introduction of an eating disorder to physical abuse at the hands of parents. These videos, usually posted by young women, often feature lengthy on-screen subtitles set to Billie Eilish’s somber song, “What Was I Made For?”

Mental health professionals worry about the implications of young people sharing these experiences online, potentially leaving them “very vulnerable to feedback from strangers,” or leading to secondary trauma or revictimization for others.

Dr. Willough Jenkins, a child psychiatrist and associate professor of psychiatry at the University of California, San Diego, became aware of the trend on Monday.

“Initially it was all about these more innocent, smaller examples,” Jenkins said, giving the example of a child being told to put his shoes on. “But in the last week it’s really evolved into much heavier content. At least the videos I’ve seen lately have people sharing some very traumatic situations, very offensive situations.”

How did the ‘pink tote bag moments’ trend start?

The trend of the ‘pink bag lid moment’ gained traction earlier this week, when a teenage girl posted a video from a dark room and whispered into the camera. In the video, the girl shared that while she was in the bathroom, her mother banged on the door, insisting she help move “pink tote bag lids” into her bedroom.

Initially, the girl said her mother told her to move the “pink things” to her bedroom and when she asked for clarification on what she meant, her mother became upset, raised her voice and swore at her. Upon hearing the raised voices, the girl’s father entered the room and told the girl not to “talk back” to her mother.

“They’re taking off. They’re both just going towards me,” the girl said in the video, taking a deep breath with tears in her eyes.

The video has since been deleted, but several TikTok accounts have “posted” (reposted) the video, making it accessible for re-watching.

In a video the same girl posted this week, she said her mother is “not offensive” and that she didn’t expect the video to draw as much attention as it did.

TikTok moms are joining in

Following the rise of the trend, mothers have spoken out and expressed concerns that they may be ‘moms with pink tote bags’.

Content creator Nicki Marie, also known as Nicki Unplugged, shared a video on Friday afternoon that was viewed more than 253,000 times.

“I’m not saying it’s right, but for those of you who are watching all these videos and saying, ‘Oh my god. I like lashed out at my kid. I’ve yelled at my kid before.’ There were probably other things that happened… before that,” she said. “I’m not advocating yelling at your child, but we can’t be gentle parenting 24 hours a day because some of our children are not gentle.”

What Nickie Marie describes, taking out frustration on one person when the frustration is actually about something else, is called “displacement,” Jenkins said. When parents are stressed, they may experience more displacement.

And the stress among parents is great. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 48% of parents reported feeling overwhelmingly stressed on most days in 2023.

“When we talk about the more innocuous examples that are shared, it is very important to recognize this, validate your child’s feelings that your child is upset about it, apologize and repair the relationship,” Jenkins said .

What do professionals think?

The “pink tote bag top” trend provides an important opportunity for families to talk about mental health, Jenkins said. It also makes young people feel validated, which can often be the necessary first step on the path to mental health. However, sensitive content can quickly be reduced to social media entertainment.

“Especially for minors, I think sharing these stories so publicly makes them very vulnerable to feedback from strangers,” Jenkins said.

Amy Hill is executive vice president of learning and development at Burrell Behavioral Health in southwest Missouri. She said her biggest concerns about this trend are “unintentional” secondary trauma, when someone feels sad after hearing someone talk about a trauma, and revictimization, when a traumatized person is re-traumatized after hearing someone else describe a similar trauma discuss.

What can parents do?

Hill said the first step parents can take to help children engage with the right content online is to limit screen time. She recommended no more than two hours a day. It’s also important to educate children about the consequences of social media digestion, Hill added.

When it comes to mental health issues, students can initially find solace by reaching out to a school counselor, Hill said. But ultimately, following a licensed mental health professional is the best step in addressing trauma.

If you or someone you know may be a victim of domestic violence, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-8233 or text “BEGIN” to 88788. The Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is available at 988.

Greta Cross is a national trending reporter at USA TODAY. Follow her on X and Instagram @gretalcross. Story idea? Email her at gcross@gannett.com.