Thanksgiving is more stressful for women. How to deal with the emotional toll the holidays can take.

There’s a lot to consider when hosting Thanksgiving. You can shop for groceries, prepare meals, cook for hours, baste the turkey, clean the house, and set the table. And that’s just one day of the holidays, which can also involve travel, gifts and celebrations. The preparation, logistics and tasks are not accomplished by magic. On the contrary, it is women who bear most of the burden, and much of the time, on the shoulders of mothers – doing it all while still taking care of the children. So the fact that a 2023 Yahoo News/YouGov poll found that, compared to other times of the year, 43% of women and 32% of men said their stress and anxiety levels increase during the holidays doesn’t necessarily to be so surprising. .

What’s causing all that holiday stress?

“I know it doesn’t happen in every relationship, but research shows that women consistently do more work when it comes to family and housework. And that only escalates during the holidays,” Jenny Evans, resilience coach and consultant, tells Yahoo Life.

Pew research published last year found that in marriages in which men and women work equal hours outside the home, women spend more time on childcare and household chores, while men spend more time on leisure activities; and even in marriages where the woman is the breadwinner, women spend almost 3.5 hours more per week on care and housework.

“Just having to do the tasks adds extra stress and anxiety, but I also think there’s a cultural expectation around perfection and doing everything at this time of year, which is probably not very realistic, but a big part of the stress it causes,” says Vaile Wright , senior director of healthcare innovation at the American Psychological Association and contributor to APA’s Stress in America report, tells Yahoo Life.

Societal expectations around perfectionism and having an Instagram-worthy holiday setup can add to the stress women already feel, especially when mothers tend to be the stewards of family traditions.

“We look back on our childhoods and we see vacations through one of two lenses: either the vacations weren’t good for us and so we want to make them better for our families, or we look at them through a kind of rose-colored glasses of, ‘ Oh, that was perfect, and Mom always had it that way,” Josh Briley, a psychologist and fellow of the American Institute of Stress, tells Yahoo Life. “But we forget everything mother went through.”

Women also often shoulder a greater share of the “mental load” in heterosexual relationships by performing many of the invisible tasks required to keep a household running, such as planning events ahead, anticipating needs, and delegating odd jobs. The holidays can make this worse and add to the emotional toll women are already experiencing.

“Women tend to have more responsibility for organizing social gatherings, as well as the emotional nurturing of family relationships – and that often peaks around the holidays, because the whole point is often about gatherings and visits with extended family,” says Chloe Carmichael, a doctor. psychologist and author of Nervous Energy: Harness the power of your fear, tells Yahoo Life. “There’s a lot of logistical and emotional work that goes on during the holidays, so it makes sense that women are a little more stressed.”

What can you do about it?

How can you better deal with all that holiday stress? Here’s what stress experts suggest:

• Identify your stressors. “The great thing about these holiday stressors is that they are predictable,” says Carmichael. ‘There’s always a certain uncle who always makes rude jokes or whatever. And as annoying as it is, the positive side of it is that it is predictable, so we can have a plan in advance about how we will deal with it.”

• Prioritize. Take a look at your family traditions and prioritize those that actually bring the family together, and perhaps let go of those that only create more stress without adding much to the celebration. “You don’t have to jump on every trend,” says Briley. “It’s okay that your kids don’t have ‘Elf on the Shelf’.”

• Learn to say ‘no’. It seems like every group you’re a part of – from work to school, hobbies or religious organizations – has some sort of party or event to attend. But you don’t have to be present with everyone.

• Get moving. “Stress is not something that just happens in our heads,” says Evans. “It’s actually a chemical, biological event.” Fortunately, Evans says all it takes is a short 30 to 60 second “microburst” of intense physical activity to induce stress. endorphins and help your body reset “Around the holidays – or anytime – external circumstances are beyond our control, but we can do a lot with our internal chemistry to keep that under control.”

• Have fun. “Laughter is a huge stress reliever,” says Briley. ‘So find something funny. Listen to a comedian you like, or put on some comedy playing in the background and chuckle while you do your stuff.

But most importantly, experts say, take the time to realize what’s important during the holidays. “I think if we really ask ourselves what our values ​​and priorities are at this time of year, it won’t be commercial or an Instagram-worthy table,” says Wright. “I think it’s about relationships, families and friends, and reconnecting with maybe our spiritual or religious side and thinking about gratitude and blessings. So if these are true to your values, it will be an important first step to ensure that you engage in activities that really align with them.”