Admin- I gave birth to my fourth child weeks after I turned forty.
- My oldest three children were independent enough and life was fun again.
- People really judged my decision, but it was the best choice for me.
Two weeks later I celebrated turning 40I gave birth to our fourth child and braced myself for the impending change.
I had spent 39 days questioning my sanity our choice to have ‘just one more’. Life had finally settled down. Our three kids were 11, 8 and 5 at the time. I was in a magical place where kids put themselves to bed with very little help, holidays started to feel like real holidays, eating out was fun again and there was even a little spontaneity.
Not only that, but I had made it significant progress in my professional life. I had a book deal for a historical fiction novel in the works, regular clients for my digital marketing work, and the opportunity to be more involved in school, volunteering, and serving on various committees — even founding and coaching an elementary chess club.
Than I got pregnant againon purpose.
People said I was crazy
During pregnancy, the most common response was, “You’re crazy for doing this!” I encountered very few people who understood why we would seemingly shoot ourselves in the proverbial foot by resetting our lives to newborn days.
In fact, I often heard, “I would never…” followed by a list of all the things on your mind when you think about a baby: sleepless nights, naps, sleep training, nutrition and all the other uncomfortable, challenging and less fun aspects of that first year.
I was concerned about all those things and more. One problem was that our house wasn’t exactly big enough to house another person. Then of course there were all the concerns about finances and how we could get more out of our very tight budget.
Despite all that, I’ve learned that I just… Still a baby at 40 was the best that could have happened.
Something I began to realize is that the people I encountered who thought we were crazy were judging our lives through their own eyes. Having another baby for them later in life was out of the question for a variety of reasons that were uniquely personal, and they filtered our choice through their lens.
My experience changed the way I approached things
I didn’t know this until I had our fourth baby, but my priorities were challenged in new and surprising ways.
I had to take it slow to accommodate the baby and let go of some expectations (like doing laundry). This isn’t a bad thing, as it gives you the opportunity to rework your routines in a way that might be more balanced for you.
For me, this meant holding my baby for every nap. It’s an indulgence I didn’t allow myself before. I wanted to change that this time, so I did.
I also had to rely on my past experiences. I had done it before and I could do it again. I knew life with a newborn wouldn’t be a walk in the park.
I also had to ask myself what I wanted our family’s future to look like when all the other barriers – like housing issues, transportation, finances, etc. – were out of the picture. For us it was a vision of a very complete family, with lots of love and many people. We looked 10, 15, or even 20 years down the road and knew that another baby would be the final piece to our family’s puzzle.
I have no regrets.